THE MAN FROM SPACE

Yesterday, I swallowed my camera (pill) in the morning for my capsule endoscopy.  All day long I was wearing some kind of contraption which consisted of a belt, a harness, and a recorder which was kept close  to my abdomen.   The recorder apparently recorded thousands of photos taken by the camera pill as it progressed through my my upper digestive system.   I looked somewhat ridiculous - although not quite as ridiculous as Ralph Kramden (Jackie Gleason)  did in this old classic episode of The Honeymooners. Without the proper funds to purchase a proper costume, Ralph had to improvise with common items found in the home.  He became THE MAN FROM SPACE which first aired on December 31, 1955 (nearly 60 years ago!)

RALPH KRAMDEN (JACKIE GLEASON) THE MAN FROM SPACE,  1955

I didn't quite look like THE MAN FROM SPACE.  However, as I was out and about during the day in Chicago, I was grateful that no one who saw me thought to call the FBI or Homeland Security.  The contraption I wore had a red flashing light.  I was concerned that someone might think that I was getting prepared to detonate myself.

THE MAN FROM SPACE, 2015

My gastroenterologist had already told me that he did not expect to discover any major problems - so I sincerely hope that he is right.  If that is the case, perhaps my mystery of the iron deficiency remains unsolved.   Still, I will have the confidence that no terrible issue is brewing.

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 WEDNESDAY MENU

breakfast    NO BREAKFAST - CAPSULE ENDOSCOPY                   

lunch         spinach salad, fruit salad, pear, two apples, honey/oat bar   1332 calories

dinner        spinach salad, salmon burger, corn on the cob, apples           469 calories

                   

total calories  1801 calories  

calories burned

7PM STAIR CLIMBING (ground floor to 25th floor) 65 calories(4 min, 28.0 sec)  65 cal

7:10PM ELLIPTICAL 32 MINUTES (level 17, manual setting)  617 calories

7:40PM STAIR DESCENDING (25th floor to ground floor) 15 calories (2 min, 45.0 sec)  15 cal

TOTAL CALORIES BURNED   696 CALORIES

MONDAY NET CALORIES 1105 CALORIES

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CAPSULE ENDOSCOPY

Yesterday,  I followed my instructions and had only clear liquids after 12:00PM Noon.   After midnight, I started my complete fast.  Today, Wednesday, I head to the GI Lab (Gastro Intenstinal Lab) at the hospital for a some quick out-patient pill swallowing and to be fitted for the electronic 'belt' that I will be wearing for 8 hours.

I have used an Olympus camera for more than 10 years - although it never occurred to me to ingest it.

Through everything I have been through, I have remained completely vigilant about my daily visits to the fitness room.  I have tried insure that in every 24 hour day, I will have exercised.  Since yesterday, was another half-fasting day.  I was able to squeeze my Tuesday workout in at 12:30AM early, early yesterday morning.

This means that my next workout scheduled for Thursday can take place after a good nights sleep and after I have returned to normal eating.

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 TUESDAY MENU
breakfast    two eggs w/bacon, oatmeal w/prune, oat/honey granola   555 calories
lunch          Huge Spinach Salad, two apples, Whole Foods Granola  1209 calories
dinner        YELLOW JELLO                                                                 40 calories

total calories  1804 calories  


calories burned
12:30AM STAIR CLIMBING (ground floor to 25th floor) 65 calories(4 min, 3.45 sec)
12:40AM ELLIPTICAL 32 MINUTES (level 16, manual setting)  585 calories
01:20AM STAIR DESCENDING (25th floor to ground floor) 15 calories (2 min, 40.0 sec)

TOTAL CALORIES BURNED  665 CALORIES

MONDAY NET CALORIES 1139 CALORIES

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IRONIC IRONY

I wish I could say that I am being treated for anemia (iron deficiency) but I am not.  My gastroenterologist is still searching for the source of the anemia - still trying to discover how and where I am managing to lose iron (blood) within my body.  That's not really treatment. Thankfully, my colonoscopy and endoscopy resulted in completely normal findings and nothing regarding the source of my anemia was discovered during these rather invasive procedures.  Yesterday, was my follow-up appointment with my doctor and (naturally) more tests were ordered.   I was sent for yet another blood test to determine if my anemia has stabilized or accelerated.  In addition, I need to return to the hospital for a CAPSULE ENDOSCOPY.  This means another day of having nothing but clear liquids on the day prior to this examination. As I understand it, I will be essentially swallowing a camera early in the morning - as well as required to wear some kind of belt all day long which will presumably record what the camera is 'seeing.'  I return to the hospital later that same day to return the belt.  (Apparently, I get to keep the camera!)

During my visit yesterday I was again asked if I am experiencing any symptoms of anemia.  Sluggishness, tiredness, unexplained weight loss?   (Of course I have reminded my doctors that I have lost 90 pounds since December - but that this was purposeful!)  For nearly a decade prior to this year - I was very sluggish.  For nearly a decade prior to this year, I have been tired.  For nearly a decade, I have been very physically unfit. It sure is IRONIC to be examined for anemia when I feel better and more healthy that I ever have.  It sure is IRONIC to be examined for anemia when I have more energy that I ever have had. And it sure is IRONIC to be examined for anemia when I have never been more physically fit than I am right now.

I am being examined for ANEMIA.  (IRON DEFICIENCY)
I have never been more ENERGETIC.
This is what is known as an IRONIC IRONY.

I cannot think of the word, irony, without recalling a specific scene from 'Seinfeld' which took place between Elaine and another woman on a New York City subway on an episode that first aired on January 8, 1992.

'The Subway' (Seinfeld)

The woman from 'The Subway' episode of Seinfeld who couldn't quite understand irony

Woman: I started riding these trains in the '40s. Those days a man would give up their seat for a woman. Now we're liberated and we have to stand.
Elaine: It's ironic.
Woman: What's ironic?
Elaine: This -- that we've come all this way, we've made all this progress, but, you know, we've lost the little things, the niceties.
Woman: No, I mean what does "ironic" mean?

- Elaine and woman on subway, in "The Subway"

 

THURSDAY MENU

breakfast    two salmon burgers, two apples, KIND fruit & nut bar                                 600 calories
lunch          SUBWAY double chicken salad, apple, KIND peanut butter bar                  500 calories
dinner         JIMMY JOHN'S UNWICH #14, two apples                                                 390 calories

CALORIES CONSUMED 1490 CALORIES

CALORIES BURNED

STAIR CLIMBING       (ground floor to 25th floor)        65 calories
STAIR DESCENDING (25th floor to ground floor)        15 calories
ELLIPTICAL MACHINE (NEW SETTING - MANUAL - LEVEL '16')    662 CALORIES

TOTAL CALORIES BURNED 742 CALORIES

THURSDAY NET CALORIES     748 CALORIES

I did something different on the elliptical machine tonight for the first time.   I have almost always set the machine to 'calorie burn' with a high water mark of 'level 18' resistance.   During the course of a 30 minute workout on this setting - the resistance goes up and down three times, only reaching level 18 for just three minutes in the middle of the 30 minute session.

Tonight I set the machine to 'manual' and set the 'resistance' to 16.  The resistance was unchanged for the entire 30 minutes (there are two minutes of 'cool down' tacked onto the end of the session) and the  workout was much more challenging.   And the 'rewards' were likewise greater.  The machine recorded that I 'burned' 662 calories during this session.  Since I initiated this workout by climbing up and down 25 flights of stairs first - it was an extremely productive workout.

DOES THIS REALLY SOUND LIKE A GUY SUFFERING FROM ANEMIA?

NOW YOU KNOW WHY I CALL THIS AN IRONIC IRONY.

Nothing is written in Stone?  Really?   TELL THAT TO MOSES!

This sign has to be purposefully funny, right?

This one took me a moment to figure out....That's not just a shoe - It's a 'CROC'!

I have tried, really tried to keep POLITICS far away from  the MARC JACOBS WEIGHT LOSS JOURNAL.
APPARENTLY, TODAY I FAILED TO DO THAT.

By now you have figured it out - I am not a supporter of our President. (or Democrats)
...and believe me....Republicans ain't so great either!

And finally, the lyrics from the Alanis Morissette song, IRONIC

An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
And isn't it ironic... don't you think

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought... it figures

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
"Well isn't this nice..."
And isn't it ironic... don't you think

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought... it figures

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face

A traffic jam when you're already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic...don't you think
A little too ironic...and, yeah, I really do think...

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought... it figures

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out
Helping you out